It’s funny – as you get older you become more self-aware of yourself. You worry to much about what others might think of you; your face, your voice, what you’re wearing are all heavy burdens that really come into their own during puberty and young adulthood. I miss the days of being young and carefree, where I would excitedly stomp into a shop and ask questions (politely, I wasn’t a brat!) and didn’t know or care what someone else thought of me.
I grew up wanting to be an actor and dancer. I was good at it and it made me happy. They say most people that go onto performing on stage or in films are usually the most introverted people who crave the attention by displaying a super-confident personality. To some degree I do agree with this – but I think it’s more of an internal battle. Most people I know who are in the entertainment industry are all quite introverted behind closed doors and can ‘turn it on’ with a flick of switch – dazzling smiles, high kicking around and know how to command all eyes on to them.
Generally speaking, I would identify as being an introvert. I quite like my own company, to stay indoors and work on projects at home. There’s a great buzz about the quietness and alone-time to do what it is I want to do.
There are many bloggers out there who jump at the chance of attending an event if it means they get a free drink, goodie bag and the possibility of featuring on a brands social channel. I tend to feel quite awkward at these kind of affairs, entering the world of blogging is an interesting one. To show up as a brand and be ‘on’ is quite exhausting, particularly when you’re in a room of press and fellow bloggers all doing the same. I tend to give these sort of things a miss – unless it’s something I truly believe would make great content.
Then on the flipside of my quiet, hibernating version of myself is the extrovert. The little boy who would jump at the chance to be in front of camera, loved to make people laugh and dare I say it, came across a little stage school-esque at times. He’s still there and can make an appearance when needed. When the moment calls for him, he emerges in social situations where big smiles and mingling is required. There are people I know who appear to be always outwardly extroverted and I applaud them for it, to be able to walk into a big group of people without a quiet word to yourself before stepping into it. To be able to say exactly what they think and feel without thinking through every possible outcome for before expressing it.
Sometimes it’s hard not to compare yourself to others – to wish you were more outgoing, ‘fun’ and social. We live in the Instagram age where we portray only the very best versions of ourselves. We present a glossy edited version of our lives that show us sipping champagne, visiting stunning locations around the world and craving the ‘must-have’ items that the ‘elite’ Instagrammers push on us. This is all fine – I hold my hands up and say ‘I do it too!’ – nobody wants to see your morning porridge and flat white from Pret a Manger when it could be a beautiful buddha bowl from the latest brunch spot in Kensington, right?
Stop comparing yourself. You are you – I am me, and we are all different. Whether introvert, extrovert or a complicated juggle of both, these traits are what make us truly unique. If you want to sit at home in your PJ’s and watch a movie rather than attend a party… DO IT if it will make you happy. Which reminds me, I have some new cashmere sweatpants to test out and Big Little Lies to finish off.